what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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