I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
