I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
