u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
