You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
