I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We are all done wearing pants today
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
