I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
