Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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