Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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