I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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