He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
