smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
