I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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