Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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