John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
