Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
