I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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