I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
