Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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