ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
