On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
