Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
this boner is exhausting
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
