So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
