nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
