No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Be still, my beating vagina.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
