a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
