he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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