The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
