Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Randomize
