this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
