U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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