Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
