Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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