Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
