all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
