I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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