He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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