I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
