apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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