dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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