he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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