Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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