And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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