are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There's always time for handjobs
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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