we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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