I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My feet surprised me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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