My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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