i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
