just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.