You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
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Do I have a choice?
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i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida