you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
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You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
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Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.