I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
