HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just gargled with NyQuil
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
