I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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