Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
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i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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