i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
FUCK WHALES
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
