sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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