he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
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Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.