Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.