just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching