and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
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If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.