I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
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You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We are two peas in an std pod
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
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My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10