i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
