I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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