best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
