there's paper in my vomit.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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