Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
