I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
