Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
