are you still at the devil's house?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
