Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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