You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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