I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
