Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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