he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This baby is an asshole
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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