sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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