are you still at the devil's house?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
