I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
